February 17, 2007

Have Hope

My father's health has always been a huge issue in his life, and my mother defeated breast cancer over 10 years ago, so every check up for her (and us) is like walking on egg shells too. Just recently their diabetes has been an issue of concern in their lives and it's to the point now where it's starting to impair their functionality and physical prowess.

A few weeks ago, my mother went in for a routine check up with her doctor. She had been complaining about some pain in her foot, so she addressed it to her doctor. He then took x-rays and found that she had been walking on a hairline fracture in her foot for months. The circulation to her feet are so bad from her diabetes that she only felt a slight pain. She was admitted and walked out of the hospital in a cast from toe to knee.

In the following weeks, she'd had a few complications due to the cast and had developed a sore on her little toe. The sore has become infected and from what my father tells me is, "a hole in her little toe about the size of a dime". He changes the bandages on it for her regularly with rubber gloves and has to wash everything and anything that may have come in contact with the wound because the infection is so bad. Meanwhile, he has four open wounds on his legs due to the blood clots that he's had attached to his veins for almost 15 years that has caused his legs to turn a dark purple and swell to 2-3 times their normal size on a daily basis. So, any bit of contact of my mother's infection on his legs and though I'm no doctor, I'm sure, is a fatal recipe for disaster.

Getting older and having to deal with all the things I never understood watching my parents have to deal with is really very awkward for me. I knew the time would come where I'd have to basically "father" them, I just never expected it to come so soon.

I hope this is just another bump in their road of life and I hope it's a learning experience for them both. I hope they can recover well enough from all their impending ailments to live a life not in a wheelchair, with fake limbs, or bed ridden. I hope they can value their health enough to change their way of life to live long enough to experience more of mine. I hope they respect themselves enough to be able to watch my children grow up, something they always wished their parents could have done with me and my brother... instead diabetes, heart failure, and cancer demolished those dreams.

(Paul and Ellen Buske, Long Island, 2006)

My friend (bandmate, and all around homeboy), Martin, lost his father to cancer this past year. The reality of losing a parent hit me harder than ever before when he took time away from our touring to be with his family during their loss. Everyday he was gone, I thought, "man, this is going to be me one day", and it scares me. He wrote these lyrics and song for his other band, who his brother also sings in to help deal with the loss of their father.

Donnybrook! - "Accepting The Inevitable" (demo track)

When darkness envelopes that last light of hope and nightmares still speak while awake.
When the thorn littered road that lies up ahead is the only path that you can take.
Optimism no longer brings ease, and sorrow grips tight at your throat.
Harness the pain. Become a beast. It's the only true way you can cope.

Accept the inevitable. This world was not meant to have peace.
Stare death in the eyes and accept your demise, only then will the suffering cease.

I have witnessed the strongest turn frail.
True love swiftly stolen by death.
This world is so ugly, I won't let it win.
So I must continue to persist.

Live life as a beast... and nothing can stop you.

1 comment:

  1. I'm going through similar realizations with my mother, and Bea with her father.